Inseparable

I noticed her warm smile right away as I walked into the room. The laugh lines crinkling the edge of her eyes told the story of a life well lived. Her 90 plus years seemed to rest lightly on the shoulders of her elegant and understated outfit. She was seated with her feet up on the chair in front of her; the relaxed demeanor unusual for the Emergency department in a hospital where we met. I was there to admit, who I assumed was, her husband lying on the gurney in the narrow room. He was a tall man with the ravages of age and disease apparent on his face. We made small talk until we arrived at the reason behind why they were here. I bent down to examine him. "He used to the captain of his football team in college" she suddenly burst out with an endearing look at him. I smiled politely, trying to imagine the emaciated, frail man in front of me in a linebacker's uniform. "His wife had been my sorority sister, you know," she continued. Wait a minute, I thought she was his wife. Her comfortable body language, her intimate knowledge of his recent medical history, the request to spend the night at his bedside at the hospital...I was at a loss for words. "Both our spouses passed away within a month of each other," she clarified. "We had always known each other over all those years. His wife and I, we always kept in touch on the phone. She had a weak heart. He was her caretaker in the last years at the same time that I was the caregiver for my husband who suffered from Alzheimer's. My husband passed away when I was 80 and then 3 months later I found out that Betty had been gone around the same time. I called to offer condolences but we ended up spending hours talking on the phone, like a couple of teenagers," she giggled. "I thought we were being too bold but he asked me to meet him for lunch the next day. We have been inseparable ever since. We have been married six years now." "And living together in sin for six years before that," her 92 year old husband chimed in with a smile. A loving look passed between them that spoke of happiness refound and treasured. She asked me again "Would you please make sure that I can stay with him here?"



As a physician, I often deal with sick patients, at their most vulnerable, and sometimes going through the worst situation in their lives. I often find myself privy to intimate details- stories of despair, anguish, of learning to cope, of finding peace. It is rare though that I get to hear a love story. And for that privilege, I am grateful.

The Human Condition

"Life means a joyful participation in a world of sorrows, and that suffering is not the same as unhappiness."

This world of maya offers innumerable permutations of suffering. Knowing that all the sorrows are transient and constantly changing, just as moments of pure joy are often fleeting, can bring one to an equilibrium of the spirit. Smile at what is inevitable, smile still at what is surprising. Pathos- is my favorite aspect of ancient Greek philosophy- for it finds the beauty in tragedy. It is what allows people to be resilient in the face of unspeakable loss. It is what allows hope to slip in through the door of misery in hard times. There was an article in NY times about a woman looking back at her life after the 2011 earthquake and tsunami, and she finds something profound- "happy moments in her life cannot erase the losses she’s known; nor can those losses ever keep her from knowing happiness." Life is a circle, keep the faith.

Happiness Comes Only From Within

for Sohini

The world is a many splendored place
full of hardship and grace.
You may have some losses and and many wins
but remember, happiness comes only from within.

Much of our lives are spent striving, striving, striving...
for success, fortune and material things.
Relationships can bring joy, make you grin
but really, happiness comes only from within.

What is this "within," you may ask.
It is what's left when you take off the worldly mask.
If the fates decide to have their merry way,
"within" is what holds you in sway.

When they take away all that used to sustain,
yet, grounded to peace you remain.
Then, you have found the secret, my dear
and the path to well being will become clear.

Humans are fickle, money can come and go.
Good health is a blessing, until it isn't so!
Through all of life's travails, you must keep one thing whole
And that unchanging constant is your soul.

Don't let other's foolishness or mistakes leave a scar.
Taking responsibility fully for your attitude will take you far.
When external events overwhelm you, dig in.
For happiness, really, comes only from within.

Is it happy outside, mamma?

Of the many cute little "Sohini-isms", this one that our little darling utters every morning never fails to charm me. Life is such an ever changing uncomplicated round of moods for her. Happy, sad, mad, excited. So categorized are the people around her, and by default transplanted on to even the weather. Her complete acceptance of transitions in life is amazing. Full of tears and frustration one moment, smiling in genuine glee the next. The changing moments just flowing seamlessly like a river without pebbles. Wondering whether "it is indeed happy" outside in the beautiful late winter California sky that we wake up facing, makes me present to the adjective I can use to describe "my inside" each morning. It is happy indeed today, my love!