Presence in a moment

My love is a big red balloon
expansive, playful, bouncing on your heart
You can prick the illusion in an instant
and all I would be left with is the sound of heartbreak.

My happiness is the shimmer rising above the desert heat
glossy, ephemeral, reflecting the rainbow of my smile
It is a mirage in the parched sands of pain
an oasis of joy, unseen for but a moment.

My sadness is the color of parchment paper
opaque, confusing, suffocating
If I punch holes in it, I can see the other side
the brightness of the sky, the crisp air.

My peace is the face of a blossom in winter snow
unexpected, tenuous, resilient
It keeps breaking through the cynical ground
of longing and unfulfilled desires.

My hope is the warm sea breeze
soft, refreshing, wondrous
Cushioning me in its embrace
and leaving me in awe of its gentle power.

Consciousness rising

This year has brought forth many mass movements, previously unseen by people in my generation. Whether it was the Jasmine revolution of Egypt and Tunisia; the anti-corruption crusade of Team Anna in India; the burgeoning voices exploring the connection between our bodies, our food and its costs to the planet; the rising disenchantment with the US political scene which is currently disconnected from the connectedness of us all. People are raising their voices for all the principles of democracy which a previous generation took for granted. Representation, principled and honest governance, the larger good over the privilege of a few, safety nets for the most vulnerable in civilized society, environmental sustainability; and in small pockets all over the world, spirituality and universal humanity over the dogma of religion.
I feel consciousness, the awareness of our interconnectedness, is coalescing into a critical mass. We are beginning to question the value of material pursuit alone. To what purpose, many are asking? There are mothers who are quietly making this choice by valuing their family over career advancement. They are far ahead of the economic sphere which has not yet absorbed the importance of nurturing the family unit. As they increase in number and clarity of purpose, this too will change. There are the youth in Arab countries who have consciously rejected both the violence of the extremists and the stereotype of the apathetic Muslim projected by the West, to instead choose a middle non-violent path of change. There are the former urbanites who have consciously given up the rat race to find a closer connection to the Earth, to minimize their belongings, to place community before expedience.
The challenges ahead are immense. Climate related natural disasters, the untenable fossil fuel consumption so far without a solution, the overzealousness of those who believe in the supremacy of man made scriptures over the inherent divinity in us all, the changing world order. Yet, there are voices of truth showing us the way, more and more, everyday. I, for one, intend to listen closely.

"You have to be somebody before you can be nobody"

My whole life so far has been about becoming "somebody"- a good student, a doctor, a wife, a mother, a contributing member of society. Yet lately, I have come to realize that all I really am is "nobody" and that it is okay! In fact, it is perfect. It frees me up to give whatever meaning or no meaning at all to what life is bringing in the present moment. I do not have to limit myself to be defined by where I grew up, what happened to me or who I thought I was in the past. I am constantly changing yet unchanged. In fact, the "I am" may just be an illusion, and there may be a bigger dimension out there waiting to be experienced. This concept really scared the wits out of me when I first tried it on, because if I was not my identity, then who was I? That is the question I seek to answer. And instead of being scary, it offers the hope of peace and interconnectedness.
The quote in the title, btw, is by Jack Engler- psychotherapist, meditator, pioneer in combining eastern and western philosophies in psychology. He explains about how the two are complementary, interpretations of different parts of the human psyche development cycle. For me it feels like coming full circle. I grew up in India, land of sages and the birthplace of inward looking thought processes, while adopting the western goal oriented, materialistic and ego driven philosophy of external achievement. Now, living in the US, surrounded constantly by manifestations of this philosophy, I seek to connect to the soul, of what may be left when all that is tangible is stripped away. Life is a mysterious adventure!

Lifecycle of a Yoga Class

I start folded into myself, looking inward.
I strech my limbs, open my eyes, become present
to the world around me in that moment.
I flex muscles to loosen the divine energy in my spine.
I contract, relax, contract, relax in an alto rhythm.
I hold my hands up and out to invite in the universe.
I bow down to its vastness and complexity.

Then, I struggle with the smallness of my inner world,
with the confines of the circle of influence I have ascribed to.
I am visited by the familiar ghosts from my past.
I let go and release in the gloriousness of my breath.
I feel the power of my youth come alive.
Mind and body move as one in a beautiful dance.
I find the center of my source for but a fleeting moment.

I stumble, then recover, renew my intention.
I push the limits of my physical body.
I accept the wondrous complex of blood, bone, nerve and muscle
for what it is, and all the changes it has undergone.
I begin to see the infinite possibilities of that that has never changed.
Time moves forward in its unrelenting march, but I am still.
I die.
I am born.